It's gonna be a long ride, but I'm right beside you.

We have been drifting apart lately. We used to tell each other anything and everything. Nothing was unsaid with us. We still laugh together. We still watch movies, eat ice cream, and do geeky things when nobody is watching... But your world is far different from mine. And it's natural for us to grow apart for a little while. I know you are in the state where I used to be. I know how to deal with those things already. And even though I want to help you go through every step, I know I shouldn't. You have to go through on your own, like I did. And I think you know that too.

Even though you are younger, you are so much stronger than me. During the times when I was least myself, you became my foundation. And I didn't know how you had all the right things to say, all the best words to release. You were too young to even deal with those things, yet, you listened, and comforted me. You were the ate. I know you can handle things way better than I ever did, but it doesn't take away the worry that I have. Because I've been through all the pain, anger, embarrassment, even the fear. And it's hard. Yes, of course, I know that it's nothing you can't handle. But the last thing I ever want to see is you getting hurt. But I'd rather know what's going on, so that in some ways, I can help. I give back what you've done for me for so long.

I'm not even half as brave as you are. I admire you, but at the same time, it scares me. Because most of the time, it was my fear of the unknown that prevented me to make crucial mistakes. What's going to stop you? I just hope that behind your courage is still a good sense of right and wrong. I'm glad that you are finally beginning to open up to me again. I never enjoy it when I hear what makes you miserable, but I am glad to listen, take it all in, and give you the best advice I could ever give, and also the most trust.

I know you see me as someone strong and independent. And of course that is what I always try to be. I haven't taken on relationships, because I didn't want commitment. Like most things, I feared it. I rejected it. And yes, I am used to doing things on my own. Yes, I love showing you that romantic love is not necessary for one to be happy. Yes, of course I am happy. But I am not perfect. You shouldn't do things just because that's what I do. Because despite the fact that I can stand on my own two feet, there are times when I feel cold. Like I'm sort of numb. I can't open up that easily to people. I run from things as soon as I realize the different ways I could get hurt. It's not power, it's more of self defense.

I want you to aspire to be me in a way that you know your self worth. I don't want you to feel like you need a boy to make you feel beautiful or loved. You can do that on your own. But also, do not be afraid to let someone in. It could be a little too late for me, but not for you. Just don't wait until you are as cold as I am. Just don't be too vulnerable either. Know when to use your head and when to use your heart.

And I know people have been on your back. I know you are starting to hear hurtful words from strangers, like the way I used to. As long as you are not doing anything wrong, hold your head up high. Reputation is irrelevant. Rumors are hurtful, but they should never affect you. One thing I have learned from that experience: the ones that care don't matter, and the ones who matter don't care. So brace yourself. You have not even begun to experience what it is truly like to hate and be hated, but it is something that will build you up, not break you down. Just never let it get to you. Just make sure that your feet are always on the ground, and always try to do the right thing. That's all there is to it.

Brace yourself for the most invigorating four years of your life. It will help you grow. Just stand your ground, think rationally, and enjoy the ride. I am always here for you whenever you need me. Never forget that.

I want you to know how beautiful, smart, and wonderful I think you are. Do not depend your happiness on someone. It is your choice to be happy. You are who you are. And that person is wonderful. That person is someone that I love and someone that I am very proud of.

I love you, sis. :)

It's the villain that makes a hero.

I don't hate you. I don't have any right to. But they do. HE DOES. But he doesn't rub it in your face. He doesn't shove you when you're down. In fact he was there when you needed him... which were the only times I've seen you around.

I'm not here to talk about how awful, or how mean you were. I haven't seen that side of you, but I know everything. You've been nice to me, but I know the mistakes you've committed. You are a villain in most eyes, but not mine. To me, you are the creator of my hero.

If my dad had left me at a young age, I would seek his affection. If he rejected me, I'd try harder. If I got tired, I'd resent him. And if I don't forgive him in time, I would start to take it out on myself. It's a downward spiral from there. Good thing I don't have to go through that.

You have an awkward relationship with your children. They barely hear from you, but it doesn't bother anyone. You have all learned to live without each other. But of course, the pain will never be gone. You were his dad. His role model. His hero. He told me how you used to set up the fireworks on New Years eve. And up to this day, I swear, he has a childlike look in his eyes whenever he watches even the simplest fireworks. He looks up and he is genuinely entertained. I don't know what goes on through his mind, but I always wondered if he thought about you.

Before you randomly showed up a couple of days ago, I haven't seen you since I was a kid. I was at a totally different stage of my life back then. And I didn't care about any of this. But now, I just want to ask you a lot of questions. I know you weren't evil, but you weren't great either. And my dad had to learn to grow into a man on his own. And he did. He's an even bigger man than you are.

Like I said, I don't hate you. Why would I? If nothing else, I should be thankful that you committed all the mistakes you did, so my dad doesn't have to. I bet when you left, he swore to himself that he would turn out to be a good father. And look at him now, living up to his promise... even exceeding it.

He was beside me each night that I was in the hospital. Whenever I couldn't sleep, he was patient with me. Whenever I did something that angered him, he would try to understand. He never lifted a finger against me. And whenever he would say something hurtful, pride never gets in the way of his love for us. He would apologize.

He writes cards and letters for us. He never failed to comfort me. He always gave me time, and the best advice. He makes me laugh. He is good to me, my siblings, and my mother. He makes it a point that I see how much he believes in me. And I know for a fact that no matter what I do, he is there to support me. He is the best, and I can't ask for anything more.

HE IS MY HERO. And he wouldn't be that way, if it weren't for you. So sarcasm aside, I want to thank you. Thank you for giving me one of the best fathers ever. I don't know how I can ever repay you.

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It may not be a perfect world, but it's a wonderful world. :)

If I asked you if you would change anything in your life, you would probably give me a long list of might-have-beens, or would-be-great-ifs. We all have something to complain about. And everyone in this world is out to get one thing out of life: HAPPINESS.

Some people look for happiness in love, so they search for it, and lose themselves in the process. Some people look for it in money, fame, or success, so they work hard to get where they are and miss out on what truly matters.

We are all miserable. There are only two kinds of people in the world: those who show how unhappy they are.. who bitch and moan about the things they can't have, instead of just acting on it, and those who hide it... who party and drink and sleep around, and tell people that they are living the good life, but at night, before they go to sleep, they realize how empty they feel. Yes, we are all miserable. But we don't have to be.

Like I said, we all have complaints in life. I do too. This past week, I've been feeling down. I spent all my money, I lack a lot of sleep, I haven't dated in AGES. I'd have a lot to demand, if I met my fairy godmother. It all just feels so crappy. Like I'm being punished. Like I'm not meant to be happy. So I take it out on myself, and I rant to my friends. Then I realized, it wasn't healthy.

But then yesterday, I don't know why, but for some reason, I was having a freakishly good day. My body just felt lighter, and my jeans weren't a hassle to put on. I did my make up flawlessly, and my surroundings were pleasant. There was a cold breeze, but there was still sun. It was the perfect weather. And the things that happened to me that would usually piss me off in an instant? I just brushed them off. And I felt like skipping, instead of walking, and smiling instead of staring into a blank space. I felt stupendously chipper that day.

I just needed a couple of minutes to reflect on how great my life really is. It's simple, but it's enough. I may not have all the things a girl would need, but I have two outstandingly cool parents, and two perfect siblings. I may have a long commute from my house to my school, but an hour only seems like seconds once my friends and I start asking each other silly, hypothetical questions. I may not have money to go eat at fancy restaurants, but I have HILARIOUS friends to eat lunch with at "Gilid", and I feel full, even if I could only afford three pieces of dumplings that day.

I never thought we could find more people like us at Taft. I only expected to meet "dude-pare-tols". But I was wrong. I met these bunch of guys, who are so funny, and I enjoy spending time with them. Even when we're only online, I would literally "laugh out loud". I never thought that could really happen.

And I figured out a lot of other good things to be thankful about. Like putting your hand in your pocket and realizing you left P100 in there. Or napping in the middle of a warm afternoon, and waking up being so damn sweaty, but very satisfied. Or not having the urge to go to parties, or looking for some activity to do to kill the time, because just sitting and talking with friends, and not running out of things to say, is more than enough.

There's a perfect balance in life. We really can't have it all. But we can have a lot. HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE. And as soon as we start realizing how good we've got it, there's nothing but good days ahead. :)

Starting from scratch

Lately, I've been a lot "girlier" than I was before. I started getting interested in shopping, and make up, and all that jazz. I guess that's fine, cause I love doing those things, but I just feel like I'm starting to lose my old self.

I used to love writing about anything, and everything. Writing makes me feel good. It's my outlet. At the same time, it makes me learn things about myself. I'm hoping that this will be a good start in finding a balance between the fashion student, and the shameless dork in me.

That said, it's almost 4am. And though I would love to start writing now, my brain feels like a bowl of mashed potatoes right now. So maybe later, when I'm all charged up! :)